When I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2014, my world did NOT come crashing down - the fields were still green, full of roses and the sky was shining with bright colored rainbows! The dogs still looked good and healthy and coats fluffy and clean, and lilies and butterflies were everywhere!
Three years prior to my surgery in 2014, I was bleeding continuosly - a period in my life which I consider as my metamorphosis. Due to my ovarian cysts, I had bleeding but I never ever went to a doctor or took any medicines or even a pill - my body pulled through despite immense continuous blood loss.
One year before my cancer surgery...I had told 2 people in my life that I am going to get cancer. Not all ovarian cysts turn into cancer but in my case, I knew! Put it on my massive knowledge about the body or holistic knowing or my experience in cancer research and my strong intuition, I had figured it out and I knew!
In short, I had absolutely NO fear or worry - none. Zero. I just wanted the whole process (the hospital stay (total of 6 days), the surgery, the healing time after the surgery) to be over and get back to my normal life and errands. I just wanted to wake up, walk the dogs, take care of my dogs, be with my dogs, and then get in my kitchen and start cooking for my dogs and myself and then, watch my daily motivational videos, and so on, and planning for the future...as in, launching this beautiful, amazing business called TGR - The Garden Recipe.
The only thing that pissed me off or bothered me were the endless "behind-the-scenes" discussions that would be now going on for months and months and months...about my cancer and everything related to it! My mom, and my relatives, would be spending n number of phone calls on this topic - like the fact that I had cancer, how big it was, what the doctors said, how I refused their treatments and how I am not taking any medicines they prescribed, etc. May I note that all of these people depend on their medicine cabinet for daily life, and without their conventional doctor/s and endless prescriptions, they can barely function? Yup. Truth is the truth and that is how my family and relatives are - eat whatever you want, live however you like and then, take pills! No personal responsibility. But these are the same people advising me and qualified to hold endless discussions about me? Was I living like that before my cancer? No.
I actually ate healthy and walked everyday (having dogs helped!), had very good weight and soft glowing skin, thick hair and great sleep. I did not eat junk or fast food, nor did I use chemicals in household cleaning or for bath time or even for my dogs. We lived a 100% plant-based, chemical-free, active, healthy, disciplined life. I also had great energy.
Then what went wrong? I have shared with my sweet followers in the newsletter that my cancer was overdue! What?! Cancer and overdue?! Yes! Cancer or any disease is not just a manifestation of poor diet - it is much more than that. Having had a burdensome past with some traumatic experiences in childhood, plus, non-stop struggle with my parents means lifetime of heavy, toxic emotions (hint: my biological family is nothing like me, we have nothing in common. NOTHING! I am the odd one! Some moments have even made me question sometimes to myself, "am I adopted?!" Yep, we are that apart - in morals, ethics, reasoning, etc.).
Add to it the fatally traumatic separation from the woman I love most - my grandma who raised me from birth to 10 yrs old and who is my Love, my Soul, my body, my heart, my breath, my life and my death, and most of all, my true mother who I will reunite with soon someday in Heaven, and then, some more ups and downs throughout life (inc. deaths of my loved ones and my dogs), all equal to my cancer. I hope you get it now.
Before college and during college, I ate junk food and lived off of Coke & McDonalds & sugar filled JITB dairy shakes! The priceless gift of health that my grandma had worked so hard to give me while raising me, was gone and destroyed to dust. After moving in with my parents at the age of 10 yrs, food became unethical - eat whatever you like, and eat meat - the dead animals.
In college, I had no discipline when it came to eating, I ate whenever I wanted to (like late at nights with friends during college) and whatever I wanted (cheap, unethical, low vibrational, processed food). On top of that, my parents had no concept of healthy eating and disciplined lifestyle habits - so, my mind became conditioned as such and I suffered the consequences. After coming to America and till I got my first big job (that was in cancer research), my diet was very bad for these 9 yrs. My job was very hectic and demanding, and often, I would skip lunch and go without eating during the day. Even after going vegan, I had to learn all that I know now - it takes time, and lot of knowledge to figure out how to eat right and when, and at what time to eat, so that one can achieve good health. I was tired, had chronic fatigue (adrenal fatigue), hair loss, weight loss, stress, anxiety and insomnia. It wasn't until I went vegan, and had quit my job, that things started working out for better and I devoted more time to learning about food and it's power to heal the body. With full focus and knowledge, food and nutrition became the centerpiece of my life.
Your body will catch up...and ultimately strive to eradicate the stored suffering and the toxic parts of you! And that is really what my body did - in order to heal itself and restore its glory, it pushed slowly and gently to bring out the deep-seated emotions, the toxins, the deep sadness, anger, resentment, trauma, and hatred - though rightfully there, but these emotions need to come out in order for us to heal. That 'bulk' is what we call 'cancer', but really, it is just body healing itself and moving in the right direction. It is speaking to you, asking for your trust in its wisdom and asking you to cooperate in this healing journey that it is taking you towards - do not rush or hurry or fear! All will be fine - IF, and only IF, you DON'T listen to the noises of the world and it's fruitless advice, only listen to your body and your heart.
I am happy that I got 'cancer' and I am thankful that it came and did so much for me. After I came home from the surgery, I knew I will have to change - I was too caring and gave too much to some wrong people in my life. Now, I will be fair - I have always been very smart and tactful in dealing with people. I have never had a problem in kicking toxic people and ignorant fools out of my life - be it blood relations, relatives, friends, etc. But, still, my caring nature would take over and I gave too much to those who never deserved it from me - life made me realize later. Thankfully, my intention to change was taken care of by the mighty, loving, grand Universe - events unfolded one after another...non-stop in my life to reveal the truth about everything; from my relations to my own identity. What I use to be, I am no more that person. I have no attachments to anyone - I have freed myself and all of the people in my life now are there as long as they are there. The whole remaining 'crowd' is equal to one - if they all disappear, no problem.
I just care about myself and my dogs, and to some extent, 2 of my aunts. That is it. Other than that, the rest of the crowd is all same - if they are there, they are there. If not, then, goodbye. No problem.
If you cannot change by motivation, then let cancer and life events, both, help you and guide you. You need to get focused and hone in to the 'people's problem' in your life first, before you go out and start dreaming big and fixing the world. You need to fix this first - learn to categorize people in your mind, who belongs where, and at what degree of distance you want to keep them, and then, once this becomes rock-solid in your psyche, then focus on your dreams and start doing something good for the world because too many animals are dying in slaughterhouses, too many humans have suffering and Nature is getting toxic day by day.
We need people to rise up and speak up and do something about all this. DON'T let your family, relatives, and others...who are completely ignorant and could care less about the Truth, and the suffering of this world, stop YOU from doing the right thing! Let cancer be your guide and likewise, thank the selfish, manipulative, people in your life who have left you alone, who have played games and who have been really, really, really, useless in your life even though they should have SHOWED up!! long time back. Let them go! Fix this and then, YOU...show up, even if slowly, slowly. It's really guiding you back home - to yourself.
Check out this article from a time period in my life when I was bleeding for 3 long years in my life. A pivotal moment that took place that showed me that I am safe and protected and that what I am doing is right - that is, trusting in my body's wisdom and letting it guide me.
This is one moment in my life when God showed up - When God Showed Up - A Defining Moment in My Life
Here is the article I wrote on the time period of my life when I was bleeding and why I consider it a blessing - like the Universe guiding me lovingly to my metamorphosis; Bleeding - My Journey to Metamorphosis