When God Showed Up - A Defining Moment

If you are struggling or if you are wondering if God cares about you, then this article is for you. It will help restore your faith that everything is in perfect order & God is there for you. 

There are many moments in my life when I have had to question, "Where is God?! and does He even care?!" but every time I remember this event of my life - the one you are about to read...I get my answer...

If you are struggling or if you are wondering if God or the Universe cares about you, then today's narrative is for you. And sorry - this is long but I had to write it this way - xoxo

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As you may now know from reading 'My Story', for 3 long years of my life, I was bleeding and bleeding right before my tumor grew and became full blown ovarian cancer. I had surgery but before my surgery, I was bleeding for 3 long years.

This truth of my life might have been shocking to many but sometimes you just have to let life guide you and listen to the messages your body is giving you - it could be your body is guiding you to...

-to have the courage to quit that dead-end job that you hate so much and the one that is sucking the life out of you..

-to get out of that toxic, dead marriage and get a divorce...

-to break free from toxic relationships, toxic patterns, toxic habits...

-to find true love, health, vitality, abundance, joy, peace, etc..

-and most of all, to use your love, energy, gifts, money, resources, home, talents for doing something positive in your life and in this world..

But still, no matter how much we try to have the courage and hope for the future, there are moments - in fact, many moments that make us question whether our situation will ever improve and most of all, "Where is God?!"

This event that I am about to share from my life is very powerful - it is one of the most defining and most precious moments of my life. I hope you will read it till the end and that it will give you the reassurance that God/creator/Universe - whatever you call it, does exist and is watching over you.

The Event - Summer 2013, My India's Trip

Let me start by saying that I do not know anybody who knows me that well like my aunt does - she is the middle one (my mom, my aunt and then another aunt). One of the most purest Souls on this Earth, though I am not her daughter and though she did not give birth to me - she has loved me beyond words, unconditionally and far more than my own mother...In fact, there is NO comparison between the two - you cannot compare a diamond with just anyone; that is wrong. The only person who I can ever compare my aunt to would be my grandma..if at all - both pure Souls and source of unconditional love in my life.

Since the day I was born, we have been very close and she knows everything about me - despite both of us having struggles in our lives and hectic schedules, distance did not keep us away from each other - most of my life it has been that we have talked pretty regularly on the phone with each other.

This event took place when I was with my aunt. I was visiting Delhi, India for a vacation of 3 months so I can spend time with my grandma, my aunt and others. I had quit my job and thanks to God, with my brilliant planning and my savings, the dogs and I were living a very good, independent structured life. My main dog - my Poodle boy, had travelled with me (via cabin - we stopped at Paris) to India - this was his 3rd trip in fact and he was THE love of everyone but especially my grandma and my aunt..:) In fact, my other aunt and uncle loved him dearly and so did my cousins. My other dogs had stayed with my parents during this trip of mine.

The Day -

It was evening time and my aunt and I had gone to our family dentist - a very nice guy who respected my aunt a lot and had been with our family for over a decade. In fact, in 2002 one of his dentist friends had asked me out and wanted to marry me - I was like, "What the heck?!", lol.

I was not interested - my aunt told the guy. She took care of it.

Anyways, it was me who needed some work - maybe root canal or something. India's transportation system is one of the best - if not the best! For all kinds of distances, there are various modes of transportation and with all the price points - in India, you do not need a car....ever! You just step out of your home and there is your transportation - right in front of your home!

The dentist was about 20 mins from my grandma's home and this includes the crazy traffic, the red lights and the speed of the rickshaw - we took the rickshaw. India is highly populated and vibrant but that also means crazy traffic and that people are everywhere! There are shops and markets with bright lights and everyone is walking here and there and in the midst of all this, there is a lot of traffic running on the roads. It is very vibrant, bright, hectic, crazy and chaotic - all at the same time.

My aunt knew about my bleeding and I was able to convince her that, "don't worry...I am taking supplements and doing whatever I know I can...we will just have to see how this unfolds or until I can figure out what needs to be done - the ultimate decision will show up" - just so she would not worry..:)

Other than that, my determination and courage kept me going - I was doing everything in life...I was active, my dogs were super healthy and extremely well-behaved and trained, we walked everyday, I cooked and planned for my future and lived a very disciplined life and ultimately, my desire to go visit India pulled me to travel such a long flight and that too, one which comes with lot of walking on the airports - I pulled through.

I am that way - focused and whatever I want to do, I will do it - problems can come in between and it may take me long but nothing and nobody can stop me or come in between my goals and dreams. Period. I keep moving on with life - nothing or no one has been able to stop me from my goals and never will.

Because my aunt and I are so close, I had told her not to tell my mom or anyone in the family for now - she said OK. I didn't want politics and lectures, especially from people who barely knew about health.

As we arrived at the dentist, I could feel it in my body that suddenly a copious amount of blood was going to start coming out...I could always tell; I do not know how but I always knew it. I have a very close relationship with my intuition and my body so I could tell when my body was about to go in that mode all of a sudden..

Once we reached the dentist and our turn came -

The dentist was checking me and he said, "I have time today so I can do it right now".

Me - "I don't think right now is a good time..."

Dentist - "No no...today I am free and I can do it right now and finish it because after that you will have to come for a check-up and you will need more time.."

I looked at my aunt and said again while shaking my head -

"No. I can't do it today. I have to go home...maybe tomorrow..?"

The dentist looked at my aunt to see if she might be able to convince me and I looked at her too and shook my head...She understood that I meant 'no'...

Finally, I got up and after saying bye, we both started walking outside. At times like these when a critical moment and urgency falls upon us, it is the greatest blessing when we are with someone who understands us to the core - who doesn't push us to make decisions right then and there and with whom we can be just ourselves - someone who understands that this is not the time to give a lecture or preach but instead is wise enough to give us the permission to be just 100% authentic - to just be ourselves and creates that safe space without any judgements or criticism.

As we got out of the dentist's clinic, I immediately told my aunt that, "we need to get home right away...my bleeding is heavy and I can feel it.."

She said, "OK - you start walking and get some rickshaw. I am going to walk behind you but you walk faster..."

Me - "I am going to cross the street (it was a mini street full of shops, clinics, small eateries, people walking everywhere and residences) and go on the other side so I can see if any rickshaw will take us.."

To get a rickshaw, you have to take the rickshaw that is going towards the side you want to go to - since the left side meant rickshaws going to the main intersection and near our home, so there I was - I started walking on the left side of the street.

I was panicking and it was like time was running - I could feel a lot of blood coming out and I knew that at one point, it would cross over the pad and start sweeping all over...

I was tense and I just had that fear kick in - "What is going to happen today?"

All I could think was that I need to get home. I was wearing nice blue top and black loose pants and I had pulled my long scarf (like a shawl) to wrap around my back and lower waist...

As I started walking on the left side of the street, I looked at my aunt and she told me to keep going...that some rickshaw will come and to stop it...She still had to cross the street.

At that moment, my face must have been flat - another burst of blood had come out and by then I knew...I am in trouble. You can wear the darkest black but when there is copious amounts of blood, it will ultimately show and it will start showing a reddish hue on the black clothes...

My dignity and respect were hanging in the air - there were people everywhere including men - men of all ages...

And then it happened...

As I was walking frantically on the left side trying to catch a rickshaw, all the lights of the entire area went out.

Let me repeat this...

All-the-lights-of-the-entire-area-went-out.

Complete darkness everywhere - the whole area and all the nearby areas were now pitch dark - all shops, traffic lights, home/residences lights, street lights - everything went out. The entire area was out of electricity.
ALL markets were out of electricity.

Whew! I breathed a sigh of relief - I finally found a rickshaw and my aunt crossed over and sat down and in the absolute darkness, the rickshaw guy took us back home and so we sat and went.

Till far away, there were no lights - it was dark yet lively but there was no way anyone could see or tell about my bleeding...No way.

I was safe. The Universe had saved me and saved my dignity. The Universe had kept my respect and most of all, my aunt didn't have to worry or feel bad for me. The Universe came through - Universe's timing is exact. Till we were in the shop and till I crossed the lane, there were lights everywhere...

As my bleeding picked up, the entire area and all nearby areas went pitch dark - all electricity was out..!

Had the lights not gone out and had it not been pitch dark, I do not know what I would have done....

As we got home, I gave a good amount of money to that rickshaw guy and thanked him for bringing us home safely due to the darkness. He was very thankful and happy that I gave him so much money.

My aunt told him, "She likes to give and she gives freely so today you are the lucky one.."

He smiled brightly and I thanked him once again and he left.

When we went inside the home, it was super dark with just 2-3 candles burning.

My Love - my Poodle boy, came running to me and jumped on me and my aunt. Luckily it was dark so that meant my grandma would not be able to see what had just happened - had she seen something, she would have lost her sleep and she would have not left me alone then. We hid it from her for a reason - I was her heart and soul and there was no way I was going to let her know.

Then, my aunt told my grandma and others to go and eat dinner (my other aunt was in the kitchen). As everyone left the room where all my stuff was, I was able to change and clean...whew!

About 10-15 mins later, the electricity came back - yup. The entire area was back to lights - back in business.

End Note -

This event is very dear to me. Metaphorically, it symbolizes my life very well - in the absolute darkness of my life, I have kept walking and not just walking....that is, walking fast and with gusto and determination...I have kept walking no matter what was going on with me or what struggles have been thrown at me or who has tried to bring me down - it doesn't matter; I keep walking even if at times it is in the dark - I do not stop for anyone or anything. Nope.

In the dark, my aunt was walking beside me and behind me - she has always walked beside me and behind me in all the darkest moments of my life since the day I was born.

Her saying, "OK you keep walking ahead...you walk faster and I am behind you" is 100% accurate - literally and metaphorically. As I would look over my shoulders to see where my aunt was, I could see her walking behind me in the darkness and telling me to go on...to keep moving...don't stop...keep walking...that she is following me...and that I will find what I am looking for (in this case it was the rickshaw)...

The rickshaw guy was a total stranger and in my life, just like him - I have always been lucky to have had amazing friends, amazing men, teachers, professors in college, employers, neighbors, etc. Strangers have always been very kind and helpful in my life. They have been very impactful in my life and helped me many times when there was no one else to count on - more than any family member or relative, it is the strangers that have crossed my paths and have helped me in this journey called Life. 

The lights going out at the exact time - Universe is exact. How the lights went out and who is doing all this and who is watching us with such care and details is beyond answers. Why did the lights not go out before or when we were in the clinic? Why is it that it had to happen that way that I went all the way to the clinic and then had to run back home? Is it because I was losing trust in the Universe and it needed to create a moment like this to remind me that it has got my back?!

And why did the lights come back immediately once I was home safely and my dignity in place and I had changed and cleaned? Nobody in our family could see what had happened and what turmoil and the rush of fear and tense emotions I and my aunt had just experienced. We both entered home calmly and made sure no one could tell what was going on...

The pitch dark in the home with just 2-3 candles meant that nobody could see our faces and tell. Why did the lights come back at the exact right time? Who was guiding this? Who was sitting there and monitoring this? And not just our area - the entire area, all the nearby neighborhoods were gone and it had to be this way for it to be pitch dark...Why? Who did it?

And who is guiding the grand Universe? - the same Universe with galaxies, moons, stars, planets, nebulas, and much more..? Who?

While we may never have all the answers but I do know one thing for sure - this is the day in my life when God showed up and for that, I am forever grateful. 💖

Questions to Ponder Upon -

1. Pick 5 events from your life that you can say surely that you felt God showed up for you. Write these events down on a paper or your personal diary. 

2. What would have happened had God not shown up for you in these events? What would they have turned out like and what consequences they would have caused in your life?

3. Because God showed up in these events in your life, what blessings turned out instead? Did you feel safe, loved, happy, youthful, joyful, appreciated, etc. Write it down. 

4. Now, write down what these events (and the people in them) symbolize metaphorically about you and your life - this will allow you to see yourself in a bright light and realize how strong you are. Seeing this with a spiritual perspective and putting them in a metaphorical meaning lets us know our strengths and allows us to also appreciate those who have walked besides us in this tough journey called Life. So, write it down and I assure you, as you do this exercise you will feel better about yourself, your life and those you appreciate. 

5. Now, keep this note or journal in a place that you can easily remember when you are feeling down or doubting if your situation will ever change or if God exists and if God cares about you - the answer is now clear; it is in these papers. 

-Somyata