The Three Trio - Cancer, Healing & Gratitude

In this article, I share about my cancer surgery and the amazing doctors I met during my hospital stay. I also share my gratitude for the pharma and why this outlook is so important. 

Each year in May, I celebrate my cancer-free journey! It was in the month of May when I had my cancer surgery  and met some really loving and amazing people

But all I will say for now is that 2 things I have learned from my life are -

-you are the only one who can change your story - this means your efforts and how you show up, etc.

-destiny will sculpt your life in the way it wants - you have NO control over it.

Things that have to happen will happen with or without your effort, wish, control or any doing.

And equally important, things that don't have to happen in this lifetime, will not happen - no matter how much you pray or how much effort you put in...nope.

You can pray all you want but when it's not meant to happen, it won't - your life story has a greater purpose that only the grand Universe knows and therefore, it will decide according to its grand purpose and scheme of things - sorry control freaks! but you have no say in this.

So I hope this brings some clarity and peace to you in going about your journey - in case you needed it.

Be at peace completely - because all that is meant to be yours will arrive in your life at the right time and it cannot go anywhere else but be yours so be at peace with yourself and your life (I know it's hard - I am still working on this!). 

I remember, as I was taken to the surgery room - all those bright white lights and then in an instant, I was out, completely out. Then I had no awareness - in fact, I had no concept of time and day. Even when my family would tell me who had come to visit, it didn't register and that is because I was on VERY high doses of morphine - yup.

About morphine - because I was in so much pain, I couldn't pump morphine any faster than I did during my entire 1-week hospital stay! For someone who never takes any medicines AND the fact that before being in the hospital, I never took a single medicine or pill, it was like all I wanted was...morphine.

I remember telling my brother to go and ask the doctors to increase my morphine input - I needed even more morphine from the pump. Finally, after begging the doctors and the nurses, finally a nurse came and said, "Ok, we will increase it slightly for you..".

The pump was in my hand - it is attached via a thin wire that is inside your skin (your arm) so that meant I could pump it as much as I want and oh boy!, did I make sure to take advantage of it!; I sure did.

You never know at what time in your life what you will need and what will become your survival support - at that time, I had nothing but gratitude towards the pharma companies who made the morphine and other meds that I was on and the anesthesia that was given to me for the surgery.

My surgery was long - I was cut open from down the breast line to lower abdomen - a sharp long line. After that, the doctors did what they did and I was out. I had no idea what day and time it was and when the surgery finished or who all were there and where I was taken after that.

All I remember post surgery is that I was in severe pain - as the nurses were putting in the catheter, I suddenly woke up and jerked! It was very painful and with my stitches, it was as if someone had cut me open with a knife and forgot to give me anesthesia; severe pain meant only one thing that I needed and that was more morphine.

When I was admitted to the ICU, the care, love and the warmth that I received was second to none. It was me who chose the hospital - my surgery was in Ben Taub hospital, though my mom had insisted on the Methodist - here in Houston.

Do note that I knew the medical system and the hospitals really well in the Houston medical center as I had been part of it for years due to my work in cancer research (oncology). So for a lot of reasons, I chose Ben Taub.

The service, care, attention, hygiene - everything that I had received and observed was top notch confirming clearly that my decision was right.

As I was in ICU at first, I remember two really sweet young male doctors (of my age group) who were attending to me. It was like we became instant friends - despite my severe pain, I was still able to talk to them and laugh and joke around. They gave me some very strong painkillers via injection and then we were to wait for a room. But I wanted to highlight the fact that I still remember these two doctors because they were so warm and caring towards me and continuously made sure that I was attended to and that I was OK.

They kept asking me, "Are you OK? Do you need anything else.?"

How sweet. Even when I was with my family members, they kept coming and asking them if they needed anything and if I was OK.

With one of them, we became friends while I was talking to them and waiting overnight for a room. He was from the Middle East or maybe Iran...no idea..?! and well, I have no idea where his number went...LOL

Finally, they found a room and my actual stay started.

While I was there for 6 days (7th day we left), ALL the nurses, doctors and the staff became friends with me. In fact, my hospital room was the ONLY room whose door was always open. The last day when I left, I had a list of phone numbers and well lots of warm hugs and well wishes. Many of the nurses who had become friends with me even came down to the car to say 'bye' to me. They were all really just very wonderful people.

Today, I want to talk about 3 special incidents or should I say, 3 special moments from 3 very special people that I met during my stay there.

Nurse #1 - Loud, Firm & Loving

She was a middle-aged, European nurse (if I remember correctly she was maybe Albanian or Italian but honestly I don't remember it) who was a mother to two grown sons - both working and all. She worked everyday while I stayed there and in fact, she was one of the nurses who was there to receive me as I was given the room..

These are her exact words - I will never forget them. Allow me this time and space to show you what true heartfelt wishes feel like and how they come to you via destiny (in this case, via this amazing nurse & my cancer!)

Like I said, my hospital room was the only room whose door was open pretty much all the time - people were coming in and out and often hanging out with me right next to my bed...! My room was probably the loudest in the entire hospital floor, LOL Many of the doctor interns would be hanging out in my room too - like 7-8 at a time. LOL.

About this nurse...

One day as she was standing right next to my bedside and talking to me, she said this - (in her loud-firm speaking style) - her exact words, not mine.

"Somya..you know what?! ...You know what?!

When they were bringing you in...when you were coming in...we were all looking...

I said..

..I said...OMG! I was shocked..! I thought..look at this girl...look at this girl who is coming in...

My eyes were just staring at you..! (she shook her face while talking)

I said...how come this girl is here?! What is she doing here?

The first thing I thought..the first thing that went in my mind was..who is this girl? Who is this beautiful girl?

..She is so beautiful..I couldn't stop looking...I said..this girl is too beautiful...

..What is she doing here? She is like an angel..

..I was shocked..how they are bringing this girl...and to be so beautiful...what you are doing here?

...Now (she said firmly in her firm, loud dominating tone as if giving me an order - a very loving order),...

NOW...you will not come here ever. I do not want to see you ever again here.

..After you leave, you will forget your past...I do not want to see you ever again here...

You will forget all this..OK?

(I said OK..)

...The only time I will see you here is when you are pregnant and hopefully you will have twins...then I will take care of you again and we will meet..You are too young...you are too beautiful to be here..now get out of here and never come back..unless you are pregnant...

..But I should not see you here otherwise...OK? You understand..?"

I kindly said yes..LOL. But her love, her words, and her emotions when she spoke all this to me will stay forever. ...

She was and is someone who will always stay special in my heart. We had exchanged numbers but that too...I lost after leaving the hospital...:(

#2 - The Head Doctor & His Touch

The day I was given the room - 1st day after being in the ICU, a middle-aged Caucasian doctor was informed of my case. My room was full of nurses - coming in and out and then my family members and so on...

I was already on very strong painkillers as well as high doses of morphine..

BUT, still when you get pure, unfiltered love in life - you will never forget that because it is very rare - even if it's just for a few moments and just for a flickr of a second.

As I was lying down on the bed and people were around me everywhere, I had fallen asleep. Then suddenly someone touched me on my forehead and then I woke up...

It was this doctor. He was standing on my right side of the bed and behind him were some other doctors and nurses.

As he looked at me and was saying something, I remember how his emotions showed on his face - even then I could read his face and his eyes.

As our eyes connected, I remember his hand moving forward and touching my forehead - out of love and empathy.

And then he said - "We will figure this out...We will get you healed...We will arrange your surgery as soon as we can and you will be fine, OK?"

His hand was still on my forehead. I didn't speak anything because I was in a blur - kind of like lost but in this moment I was aware enough to know what he was saying, what he was feeling and where his hand was and what was his intention.

It was like a father - a healthy, loving God given father's touch... I could feel it..

He touched me as if I was his daughter...(I wish! - maybe in the next lifetime!)

I could see it on his face - it was filled with deep sadness and feelings of disappointment and overwhelm...

Then he said right before he had to leave - "It's OK..We will figure it out...We will get this done. You will be fine..OK?"

I shook my head and then he left...

I have no idea what his name was (unfortunately) because I would have loved to meet him once again and just hug him tightly and also allow him to hug me just like he would...just as if I am his daughter.

#3 - The Mexican Nurse

One of the other moments I remember is with this beautiful human - a Mexican nurse who I got to know very well. She was one of those who would come visit my room any chance she got and well, all her lunch times were done in my room...:)

She and her brother ran groups of community prayer services near Southwest Houston and even though she had told me a lot about herself...all I remember is that both her and her brother were helping victims of some catastrophe.

I don't remember exactly what...but this is what she did besides working as a nurse.

I remember one day as we were talking, she was sitting on the left side of my bed..

She then said..

"Somya...I feel...I see this image...like...

...as if..God..or this Creator..this grand Universe...is trying to tell you something..

Like as if...a new life is birthing for you and this is why all this happened...like as if God wants to give you this new life..

..and now it is just taking place...like you have a bigger purpose..you made it..

..and like God is trying to tell you this bigger purpose..

...I see this light coming from God and shining on you..and you are to listen and obey and your new life has started....."

So that is it for now. While I bask in full gratitude to all the wonderful doctors and nurses who I met during my short stay and those who did my surgery, I just wanted to share some key points below. 

Key Takeaways - 

1.  There IS a need for pharmaceutical companies - I have said this before too but the problem comes when we start abusing what they are giving and on their side, when greed takes over human wellbeing and rights.
 
2. I have nothing but gratitude for all the conventional drugs that I was given during that week-long stay and also the anesthesia, plus the morphine - full gratitude here.

3. Not all doctors are bad and corrupt - I have worked in top cancer research institutes and been around doctors enough to know that there are some really caring, honest, passionate doctors who just want the best for the patient - I am in full gratitude and love for the entire staff that I met during my stay. They all will stay in my heart...forever.

Here's sharing one of my most favorite quotes of all time - this one came into my life and had found me right just before my cancer manifested. ODD.

Like the Universe guiding me and giving me signs of what was to come through this quote and where this journey was going to take me and how I would launch TGR four years after my surgery.

And that special quote is - 

"Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you." - Ovid

I hope you have enjoyed today's narrative. Thank you for giving me this time and space in your life to talk about my special day and some beautiful things that I learned during that time and the amazing people I met during my stay in the hospital.

-Somyata