Top Three Tips to Improve Communication

Without good communication, a relationship will fail. Learn top three tips that are easy to apply in daily life and ones that will greatly improve your relationship fast. 

It's very easy to drift apart in a relationship or a marriage due to messed-up priorities, unhealed traumas and pain and lack of (overall) attraction to the partner or spouse.

But thankfully it is also very easy to create a very strong, long lasting bond where the communication just flows between the two people, masks are taken off and both feel comfortable to share the good, the bad and the ugly about themselves and their lives with each other.
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A whooping 67.5% of marriages end due to communication problems and that's a large percentage of marriages! Wouldn't you say so?! 

In this article, we discuss some very helpful tips that are easy to follow and ones that yield positive results immediately. Communication is the bridge that brings two people closer and keeps the chemistry alive - without good and effective communication, you cannot have a solid relationship as communication is the groundwork for everything positive in the relationship. 

Here are the top 5 effective communication tips that will help you and your partner -

Simple Tips for Creating Desire & Connection in a Relationship

1. 'How Was Your Day?!' (Tell Me About It)

For a strong bond and to keep the chemistry alive, both partners MUST make time each day to communicate with each other about their wants, needs and just about their day...the mundane small things as well.

Simple practices like asking your spouse daily about their day can help create that caring bond between the two of you - where the partner or the spouse feels wanted, heard and connected to you.

Simply asking them - "How was your day?" or..

"How did that meeting go with your boss..your team..your employees...etc."

"How was your lunch with your friends today?"..

"How did your game night go?" or "Who won at (tennis/basketball/etc.) today?"

"What did you enjoy most about your friend's wedding or baby shower...?"

"What did you eat for lunch today?" or "How was the café you went to?"

...and so on...

Ask questions - participate in the other person's life and take interest. Show them that you care and you want to be part of their world.

Asking questions - the right questions is an art - make NO mistake about it and most people don't get it; It can open people up, make them feel safe and comfortable with you and make them want to share more and more about themselves and their life with you.

Asking questions daily and truly showing interest in your partner's life can build a warm bridge in an otherwise estranged and cold marriage; It shows your partner that you care to learn about them and that you care to be part of their world. Asking questions shows that you care to put in the effort in learning about your partner's likes and dislikes and that you truly want to connect with them on a deeper level than just the physical.

Spend time daily alone with your partner just simply communicating - no sex, no distractions, no cell phones, no rush but just you and them and lots of talking.

ASK questions - show up; don't be shy, don't be timid, don't be lazy in your relationships and then see the magic unfold.

2. Listen to Understand and Not to Respond or React - 

Most of us have learned from our childhoods that we must only listen to the other so that we can -

-give feedback

-solve their problem or two

-defend ourselves better when it's our turn to speak

-or speak in a way that they shut down or shut up completely.

We might have learned this from our parents or other adult figures in our lives because the truth is most people around us don't really have the skills, the right mindset and the strong communication required to establish honest and deep, meaningful relationships. 

When your partner (or anyone for that matter!) is upset about something, the most brave and loving thing you can give them is your time and attention - sitting down with them to talk and saying that you would like to genuinely know why they are so upset and that you truly care to correct the hurtful behavior in whatever way possible is one of the most mature and bravest thing you can ever do for your partner. 

When your partner tells you what has hurt or upset them, do you listen to react, to flee or to respond?! 

Ask yourself this and evaluate your behavior to see how you have acted in the past when a tough topic came up between you and your partner and then correct the behavior. 

To understand someone, just listen and then when it's your turn to speak, ask questions to clear any misunderstandings that may still be there between the two of you and work towards a collaborative effort to correct the problem so that it doesn't happen again. 

Another point that I would like to highlight is that many times we think someone is upset because of us and we give ourselves unnecessary guilt and stress over it but in reality they could be upset at something or someone else and it has nothing to do with us at all.

Asking questions and understanding that people have their own triggers, inner battles or the fact that they have others (their boss, coworkers, siblings, parents, friends, etc.) in their lives with whom they may not get along and have issues or problems is one way to erase that unnecessary guilt and stress that we put on ourselves. 

Again, at the end of it all, we go back to the basics to sit down and talk to your partner and to listen to understand and not to react but respond. This does not mean that you have no right to explain your point or why you said or did what you did and so on - no.

You have every right to explain your side of things and your partner must take time to listen to you but it simply means that you don't flee or react in a bad temperamental way and that you care to show up to hold a conversation about it because you truly care to improve your bond with your partner. 

Also, have self-compassion as you too are carrying many burdens and responsibilities so your partner should give you the same love and understanding that you are willing to give them in midst of arguments and fights and know that just doing your best every time and as many times as possible (even if you can't do it always) is going to greatly improve your relationship with each other. 

3. Use Compliments to Your Advantage - Create Lasting Desire & Longing

Do compliments matter? - Yes, they do! Compliments matter more than we realize.

In a dead marriage or relationship, they can bring back desire and longing for each other and reignite that passion that has long been missing.

Compliments are a great way to remind your special someone how much they truly mean to you - using words of affirmation in love is one of the most powerful ways to keep that intimacy going and keeping the emotional and mental connection strong with each other. People need to hear why they matter to you and that is even more important in a romantic relationship. Words matter - words have power; use them to your advantage. You can also write your compliments on sticky notes and stick them on the mirror, near the bathtub or shower and bedroom for your partner to see.

Quick Examples of Compliments - Starting your sentences with..

"I appreciate when you did this for me or that.."

"I love this about you..."

"You arouse me when..."

"The reason you are so special to me (as opposed to others) is because..."

"Thank you for...understanding me...listening to me...showing up for me..etc..."

"I find you hot, attractive because.."

"I am so attracted to you..."

"I really respect this quality of yours..."
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and so on....

Use these 3 top tips in your relationship starting today and just see how fast your relationship goes from being shaky to rock solid. 

-Somyata.

Articles to  Read -

Compliments: Why They Matter to Us and How to Use Them 

Three Powerful Ways to Deepen Intimacy