Compliments: Why They Matter So Much To Us

Compliments matter more than we realize. This mini story is about getting a compliment from a child and the importance of being mindful of how we respond and why that matters.

As you know, I always use real-life narratives to connect with my readers. Some are directly from my life where I am the centerpiece (like this one) and some are focused on others who have impacted me greatly in some way or the other...It is all to raise awareness or make the reader question things or ignite some serious thought provoking.

As I often say, my TGR group is the most wonderful and the love and support I have received and continue to receive is beyond words...compliments included. I often share the wonderful compliments people send my way and this is to 1. acknowledge the wonderful senders and 2. to share the beauty of those kind words with the rest of the TGR tribe.

Do compliments matter? - Yes, they do! Compliments matter more than we realize...
In a dead (romantic) marriage or relationship, they can bring back desire and longing for each other...and reignite that passion that has long been missing..
In a troubled parent-child relationship, they can begin the process of building the bridge again..
In our other relationships like relatives, friends, coworkers, teams, neighbors and well, just interacting with others on a daily basis even when you go to buy something or pick a dinner - compliments matter and they can help lift someone up - make them feel light, happy and appreciated.

But even then...we often forget to give compliments to -

..children..
..to troubled teenagers and youths...
..to drug addicts...(or any addicts)...
...to homeless people.....
....to those who we classify as 'weird' or 'recluse' or 'totally different from us'...we often don't care to find any beauty in them but in reality, if we look closely, we can find beauty in everyone...


Compliments are just beautiful words from one's heart space to another's heart space and when you see them that way, you will be able to give them to others freely and receive them easily too.

Compliments matter and they matter a lot. Compliments can lift someone out of a dark pit or out of misery. Compliments can show others their true essence and guide them on a right path towards Light. Compliments can show others what they struggle to see in themselves and remind them of their true worth. Compliments can lift people out of their self-destructive patterns and show them their true strengths.

Read this narrative fully till the end before jumping to conclusions - I am going to 'use' this narrative to raise awareness about kids, men and women - all of us and how we all need to change the myths that sabotage our self-worth and keep us hostage for our whole lives.
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Often we are told since birth that we should not say anything good about ourselves and even when I was very young, I questioned this - why?!

Why can't I say anything good about myself when I am definitely allowed to say anything bad about myself? Shouldn't both be allowed and be equal and both should equate themselves?!

Then you see all around you when some adult gets a compliment and then comes the sick, negative minimizing words - "Oh no no...don't give me the compliment. I don't deserve it because...." and so on.

The Cute Incident - 

This incident is cute and light but very meaningful.

I am close to many of my aunts but this narrative is about my eldest aunt. She was visiting America (California) where her daughter and hubby are settled and they have 2 young daughters.

I often do FB videos with my aunts to keep in touch and so when she would be free she would often call me on FB video and many times, I would end up talking to the cute little young girls, both very naughty and playful - my cousin's daughters so my two little nieces.

As I was on the video call talking to my aunt, the elder girl was sitting with my aunt - you know kids how they just say whatever comes in their minds and their energy is so pure and loving...

As we were talking on the video, the elder girl (about 7-8 yrs old at the time) was sitting next to my aunt and suddenly said in a loud pitch about me -

"She is SO beautiful!"

That was so cute..:) She said it very confidently - like a child who is saying something in an affirmative, rebellious tone - she was loud and she was sure to make it known that she meant it!! 😀

Now at that moment, I was about to reply and just say, "Thanks.." and done. Or, start going down the rabbit hole and say something stupid like, "no no...you are looking at my photos where I am wearing make-up..." (she was also looking at my photos that were on my aunt's cell).

But thank God to my fast thinking and unconventional mind, I paused before responding. I thought that this young child - a girl who will one day become a woman and how would I want her to accept compliments later on in life as she grows up..?

Imagine being so lucky to get a compliment from a child - she said it with so much zest and force ("She is SOOOO beautiful!") that it was a blessing to be part of this moment and her energy...

So then I replied - "Thank you. I accept your compliment - that is very sweet of you."

-I did not purposely give her a compliment back in return...

-I did not negate her feelings or emotions when she was giving me the compliment...

-I did not make HER doubt what she thought was 'beautiful'...

-I did not make her question herself...

-I did not minimize her words by minimizing the compliment... 

Instead, I immediately accepted the compliment and said thanks and that I received the beautiful compliment that she gave me from her heart space.

At that moment, I wanted to teach her that it is OK to accept compliments - if we give compliments to others and they can have many good qualities, then why not extend the same thought of self-love and acceptance towards ourselves too?

End Note -

Take a moment to think and reflect about what you are about to say or do when dealing with children - they are like the delicate flowers of this world and how you show-up in front of them can have a profound impact on their development and their choices in life.

Compliments matter - in fact, they matter a lot more than we realize. On a bad day, compliments can lift someone up and make them believe in themselves again - granted the compliments are true, honest and genuine, given from heart centered energy and not fake or to manipulate someone.

Men - I feel for men. How many men are struggling in this day and age without ever being complimented, without feeling heard and acknowledged by their partners, spouse, parents, siblings, etc. and is it fair or ethical to expect a human being to do so much for their families, communities and world at large but to never acknowledge them at all?

Many men will tell you that they have NOT heard a single compliment from anyone - near and dear since ages. How unfair and sad. It is detrimental to a man's ego to never feel acknowledged or complimented by their spouse, girlfriend, etc.

Many men have never heard a single kind word about themselves from their parents - both father and mother. How sad. I recently wrote how hard it is for men who grow up without a healthy father figure but many men have had NO source of love, kindness and admiration from either of the parents.

Women - O-M-G! I have seen so many women in my life who just do not know how to accept compliments and this is very sad. We women are told that we should not think too much about ourselves and just because we are the nurturers, we better get busy taking care of others.

We have this inner mindset that our beauty does not matter and dare someone notice our beauty and give us a compliment, we should immediately shoot the compliment down. Moreover, in taking care of others, we women often forget to compliment ourselves for how great of a job we do in making others happy and making others feel good. 

Points to Take Away -

-Everybody has good qualities - even if you are in a relationship where you are struggling, you can choose to focus (and acknowledge) on the positives more than the negatives and giving compliments - genuine, honest heart centered compliments is one of the best ways to do that. Compliments can start to build that bridge back between you and the other person that is shaky but can become strong again - starting with one true compliment at a time. 

-We can't correct each other's pasts but what we can do is lift each other up when we cross each other's paths and give a compliment or two to make each other feel better.

-When we get a compliment, we need to learn to accept them and not try to minimize the compliment - in doing that, you may not realize but you are insulting the person who is giving you the compliment.

-We need to teach children the same thing - both young boys and girls to learn to accept the compliments about themselves - that it is OK if someone acknowledges good things in them so they can go on and find healthy relationships in life - someone who treats them well and with lots of love and admiration. This starts with parents and other adults teaching the child to see value in themselves and so my other points above.

I love this quote...one of my most favorite ones; It's by Victor Frankl. While a compliment may not really be an 'stimulus' - either way, there is a space on how you respond and it matters.

“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” - Victor Frankl.

Questions to Ponder Upon -

1. Who will you give compliments to today?

2. How did you used to accept compliments in the past?

3. How will you accept the compliments from now on that others give you?

4. If you have kids, nieces, nephews, grandkids, neighbor's or friends' kids - how can you teach these young children to accept compliments and learn to believe in their self-worth and value?

5. What compliments will you give to yourself - starting today?

6. Can you give a compliment to a homeless person today?

7. Can you compliment your neighbor on something?

8. Can you compliment a troubled youth or a teenager or a stubborn, love-starved child?

9. Can you compliment your spouse or romantic interest and choose to see more of their positive qualities and bring them to Light?

10. Can you compliment your employees or someone who you do not like and have a hard time with?


Compliments matter; use them to make others feel good.

While I am not married and don't have kids, but if one day I were to, I will be busy giving compliments to both my kids and to my man - genuine, heart centered, honest meaningful compliments. 💖

And yes to my little niece - I accept the compliment. I am beautiful. Thank you.
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xoxo,
Have a beautiful day,
-Somyata