Practical Tips to Help with Grief and Tough Times

Grief and loss are hard to bear so how do we cope with them? This detailed article will help you with keeping your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well being intact during grief. 

Struggling with grief?! - Grief is a very heavy emotion - it can make us feel like we are sinking in a deep, dark hole and there is no one coming to rescue us. 

​For those who have lost a loved one (be it a dearly loved pet or a human or both!), it may feel as if they are 'leaving behind' someone they loved dearly as time passes and one day moves to the next and so on.

Feelings of heaviness, fatigue, sadness, restlessness, loss of interest in work or activities can abruptly show up and become even more intense during grief especially with depression and loss of motivation that kicks in after a loss of a loved one. 

Here are some things I do when dealing with sudden events that are too much for my mind and body to cope with - this might just help you and many others going through tough times.


Tip 1 - Have Awareness and Have a Plan, "I need to support myself!" -

You might need to carry a lot of heavy emotions, activities, etc. after the sudden shock of the event. You need to know very well that your regular self-care routine will not work - it works only with 'regular life', not when your body shifts to survival mode.

You need to bring out all your weapons to help you cope with the trauma and for that, you will need to make a plan on what more you can add to your self-care routine.


Tip 2 - Supporting Your Brain - First & MOST Important -

If you don't support your mental state, your entire system with crash sooner or later so supporting your brain is a must. One of the best tips I can give you is applying essential oils to your scalp daily - this will help calm the waves of emotions, heaviness, help with sleep, help with a better more stable mood and help keep stress away from impacting your hair follicles as well.

I use Clove Oil - I take clove oil and with the help of the dropper, I apply it directly on my scalp (neat); this works for me because clove oil really is my favorite and soothes me very well. Everyone has different essential oils that work for them - because everyone has different plants that work according to their body so your essential oil might be different from mine...it could be tea tree or eucalyptus or lavender or any other...but mine is clove oil.

Clove oil is great as it also prevents tension headaches and migraines plus it has powerful pain-relieving properties so due to its warming nature, it boosts blood circulation in the scalp while relaxing it at the same time.

Another great benefit of clove oil is that it prevents hair fall and boosts hair growth - I buy organic 100% pure clove oil (undiluted) and use it every 2-3 days. For me, I could not get through this or any stress without my clove oil - I am forever in gratitude to this plant and its help that it offers me; no words can say how grateful I am to this sacred plant.

Use the oil that works for you and it is up to you whether you want to dilute it with a carrier oil or use it neat.

Tip 3 - CBD Oil + Black Seed Oil -

I have to say that I have not yet jumped on the CBD bandwagon even though I have it at home but I wanted to share this tip that besides taking CBD oil internally, you can also apply it directly on your scalp (just like the tip above).

Apply it directly on your scalp, temples, behind the ears (mastoid bone), neck and on the sides of the neck to help you sleep better and get some good rest during stressful times.

Take some black seed oil as your body goes in survival mode (called as sympathetic mode) immediately when some tragedy or trauma happens so take things like black seed oil and/or CBD oil to help calm the entire body including the nervous system.

Tip 4 - Relax - Things Will Go Back to Normal Again - 

No matter what, we all know that after some time, things will resume themselves and life will go back to normal - this is a universal fact. No tragedy is everlasting so relax - give yourself some room to breathe in, some self-love and compassion and let Time decide the order of things.

Life doesn't stop for anyone or anything - it pulls you on its own and you don't have to do anything for that so let Life take care of things. Surrender and let Life show you what is the next best step for you - let Life help you; relax and surrender completely during tough times.

When your body is trying to cope with heavy emotions, it could be you might sleep too much or too little and you might eat too much or too little or eat unhealthy or whatever. Tell yourself that after a certain time (have a cut-off date for this suffering and this coping behavior), you will resume your healthy eating habits and will commit to sleeping & waking up on time.

For me personally, eating is NOT an issue - I am eating healthy and with discipline but yes, slightly less...However, my sleeping schedule is bit off with me feeling fully awake and energetic during the night and not wanting or needing much sleep on most days and then I still wake up early as I have to take my doggies out. When I apply clove oil, I sleep well or when I do my next tip, I sleep well.

Tip 5 - Sleep Well - You Are Needed & Your Body Still Needs Rest - 

Use the power of music (called as music therapy) to help you relax and sleep well. Play some meditation music for deep sleep - I play some of my favorite calming music at night and this helps me to sleep very well. So use music to your advantage - it is a powerful therapy indeed.

Tip 6 - Eat Well When You Do Eat - 

Even if you don't feel like eating, eat things that are dense in -

-Nutrients and antioxidants as well as healthy fats so that they provide energy and stamina to help your body carry through tough times.

-Have some soaked nuts and seeds or antioxidants rich berries as well as lots of vegetables each and every day. Enjoy some hydrating drinks like fresh home-made lemonade with sea salt or Indian Black Salt - make sure to keep your electrolytes in balance at-all-times (I have written a lot about this too because I am very particular about making sure that I and everyone here at TGR have their electrolytes in full balance at all times - no kidding!).

-Have some nut butters or coconut butter during the day to help your body with sustained energy. MCT oil or even just enjoying spoonfuls of coconut butter during the day will help your brain with ketones for energy - something we all need when going through tough times like loss of a loved one or other stressful events. 

Tip 7 - Magnesium Oil - 

Use magnesium oil to support your mind and body during this time - magnesium is crucial for relaxation, sleep, nervous system, for keeping inflammation at bay and for over 300 functions in the body!

Apply some magnesium oil to help your muscles relax - works great for sore muscles, tired temples and even exhausted stressed scalp! It might itch slightly in the beginning IF your body lacks magnesium but as you replenish your magnesium, it will no longer itch. So, yes! Get some magnesium oil and apply it daily to support your nervous system and sleep. 

So, these were some practical tips for your physical well-being but what about some health tips for your spiritual well-being? Here are a few more tips to help you. 

Some More Tips to Help You -

-It is important you talk to someone - Be it a romantic partner or a friend or someone else, it is important you talk to someone who understands you at a deeper level and what you are going through. I have said this time and time again from day 1, we all just need ONE person who gets us at our deepest core - someone who understands us deeply and just simply talking to that one person is enough to feel loved and supported during troubled times.

-If you have lost a beloved pet, talk to someone who has owned a pet - don't talk to your friends and family who have never owned a dog or cat and neither will they ever and nor do they have any concern about saving the animals!! No. Talk to someone who greatly values animals and knows how deeply it hurts when a beloved dog or a cat passes away.

-If you feel like your emotions are getting too intense, then just take some timeout - lie down and let the emotions come and pass; don't force them inside or numb them. Let the emotions come and pass - lie down and if listening to some music helps you, then play some music for your mind, body and Soul to heal.

-What if you are single or don't have anyone to talk to that you feel close enough or safe enough to talk to?! - That is completely OK and in that case, journaling may help you along with music therapy. Going out for a walk (movement) or just getting up and standing in the warm rays of the sun is enough to ground your mind and body - get out of the four walls and connect with the plants, outside Nature and animals and get some sunlight.

-Go stand in the sunlight for some time - I simply make it a daily habit to get up and go outside and stand in the sun for a good 20 minutes or so. I observe the intricate lives of the innocent little animals playing outside - the squirrels, the birds, dogs passing by with their owners and of course different kinds of crows or reptiles - they are just enjoying their lives and though we cannot understand, they are a huge and a very important part of this Universe and its balance...it is interesting to watch all of them and to connect to their energy everyday.

-Go for a whole-body massage session! - Getting a whole body deep tissue massage will help release the pain and the heavy emotions that are stored in your body so book a whole body massage session for yourself - you deserve it! Our body stores all our painful memories and trauma and this is why it is vital to get a massage to help our body release these emotions. The gentle touch of a professional licensed massage therapist can be just what you need in your self-care plan.

(Tip - Read the book, 'The Body Keeps the Score' by Dr.Bessel van der Kolk).

-Get Involved in something fulfilling and meaningful - Do you enjoy gardening? Cooking? Painting? Volunteering? Community projects or simply caring for your neighborhood by picking up all the plastic trash from the streets? Whatever you enjoy and care for, get involved! Get your mind busy by doing something and help us all by improving the world.

One of the things I do every-single-day is make sure no one is littering around our area and whatever plastic, aluminum, Styrofoam trash is there - I pick it up and make sure it is then recycled. It is highly fulfilling and I can tell you over the years, I have picked up pounds and pounds of trash that would have otherwise gone either flying to the oceans or the water lines below impacting the populations of animals like frogs (which are sadly declining by the way), fishes, etc. 

Another thing you can do is plant a tree in the name of your loved one - what a wonderful way to honor your loved one while helping the planet. You can do this yourself or check out some organizations in your country that are planting trees and just donate to them. 

End Note - I hope these tips help you - it is vital to take care of yourself and when you get involved in taking care of bigger things like Nature and your community, it greatly improves your mental and emotional health as well.

Now, what about when a sudden shock or stressful event hits you out of nowhere and your mind struggles to cope with it? Our mind feels heavy and this may be due to hypertension - a common symptom when dealing with extreme stress in our lives. 

Don't worry - here I am going to give you my recipe for my 'Hypertension Massage Oil'. 

Hypertension Oil Massage - Coping w/Heavy Emotions -

Hypertension can feel very heavy in the brain and therefore it is very important to massage your scalp regularly. This goes even further when you are going through some tough times, stress, trauma, pain, grief (like me) and your brain has to deal with heavy emotions like shock, disbelief, sadness, frustration, anger, etc. - you must make it a habit to do regular scalp oil massages.

Try this head oil massage recipe  -

-Brahmi-Amla hair oil (available at all Indian stores worldwide)

-Coconut oil (or any of your choice) - little bit

-Camphor block (crush it with hands and let it dissolve) - just 1 or 2

-Fenugreek seeds (optional)

-Cloves - 4-5 or clove oil (few drops)

-essential oils of your choice for hypertension (like lavender, neroli, bergamot, chamomile, cinnamon, lemon grass, ginger)*

Warm all on low heat to allow oils and camphor to infuse well - apply with fingertips and massage your scalp for a few good minutes to boost blood circulation and release tension.

*Always check first which essential oils suit you by doing a patch test. Make sure you smell the oils first before applying as it may have the opposite effect on you - if the smell is too strong for you, it may increase your tension and headache - you are responsible for testing this before applying; essential oils are strong - be responsible with them.

This is it. I hope all these tips help you deal with grief or whatever you are going through. Always have hope that things will get better soon because everything in life is transient and impermanent hence the saying, 'This too shall pass'. 

-Somyata