Gratitude: The Story That Shocked Me

It is very rare that we find a 'story' that shocks us so much that it leaves a profound effect on us - so deep that it takes months to digest what happened. Find out...

It is very rare that we find a 'story' that shocks us so much that it leaves a profound effect on us - so deep that it takes months and months to digest what happened. This is a true story of a man whose life had become a cage - a prison that he could never escape from. 

It was last year when I went to my cousin's wedding in India. My flight was via the Turkish Airlines - so it was from Houston to Istanbul, and then the second leg from Istanbul, Turkey to Delhi, India. It was during my second flight when this moment took place.

Naturally, most of the crowd was Indians. This is right before the C-19 mania broke out - this was in Jan 2020. As I entered the over-crowded plane and found my seat number, the first thought that went to my head was, "Why me?!" 

LOL. My seat was in between 2 middle-aged Indian men - both older men, about 20-25 yrs difference and I was going to sit in between them for the whole flight. I thought, "Yieks!."

I wanted a corner seat or a window seat - so I could just stare at the window and sit in silence, while saving myself from everyone, the germs and well, their stories...as it usually happens with me - I was in no mood for that.

But destiny and timing had some different plans for me. I looked at both men and thought..well, this is it...I better settle. No other option. So, there was me in the middle of both these Indian men. And soon afterwards, our flight took off and began the stories.

This story is about the man who was on my left side. The man on my right side - he and I talked a lot and he shared his entire life's story with me, telling me about his present circumstances, his struggles, marriage, his past and his troubled relationship with both his sons. 

That is for a different article for now. After I finished talking to the man on my right, I then sat for a few minutes quietly - just relaxing. But the man on my left was loud!! 

Now, the real article begins...tighten your seat belts before we take off (you are going to need it!).

Bombastic!! 

Loud!

Ah! Too Happy! 

Talkative!

Those were my immediate thoughts when I saw this man. He was loud, smiling all the time and well, talking to his family members and relatives that were sitting in the nearby seats. Our seat was in the middle lane - the Left man, me and then the Right man. He seemed like one of those extremely jubilant people in life - those who have no worry and are just carefree and love having good times with others.

In fact, when he wanted to talk to the man on my right, he was still loud, smiling and well..just very happy. I had to bear that 'energetic' energy as I sat in the middle of both - while he chatted with the Right man. 

Then, it was after dinner that all went to sleep and the plane lights were off. It was dark and quiet. That is when he and I started talking. Btw, he was also from Houston. So, we started talking about the plane trip - how tiring the flight is and the reason why he was going to India, etc. Then...

I asked him, "'So, what do you do?!" 
He replied - "Well, I had my own store but now I don't work. I am at home all day now..."
I said smiling - "Oh...so lucky! So you retired!"
He - "No. It is actually....not that I retired. It is just that.............somebody has to be home to take care of our son."

Pause.

I (perplexed) - "What do you mean take care of your son?"
He (paused - silent - then looked at me and spoke) - "My son cannot do anything...He is like a handicapped child. I have to do everything for him.."
I (even more perplexed but at this time, I was beginning to pick up some 'hints' of the situation) - "What do you mean he is handicapped?"

This is when he explained the dire situation as he stared at me directly and looked into my eyes - his face softened and his eyes became teary. 40,000 ft. above and it was completely dark - as I looked at his face, I could see the heaviness of the emotions that were  about to come up for him. I could feel it - energetically, and I knew that from this point onwards, whatever comes up is going to be heavy and the truth of his life. 

Then he spoke very silently (so as to make sure no one else hears him) - "You see...my son tried to commit suicide. It was right after high school..one day we had gone out...me and my wife and when we came back and pulled in the garage, as the garage opened...we saw him hanging by the rope. My wife completely freaked out...I panicked. We immediately tried to save him. We tried to undo the ropes and then we took him to hospital."

By now, as his eyes were staring at me in the dark, I could see tears beginning to build-up inside..soon to come out in midst of complete hopelessness and despair. I could tell the pain was building up - it was emerging from deep wells of sorrow and strength. Perhaps, he had not visited the past lately and perhaps he had buried the heavy emotions deep under the bedsheets of his thick skin. 

"By the time we reached the hospital, the damage was already done. His brain had been without oxygen for far too long due to the hanging, and this did permanent damage. For 9 months, he was in the hospital and the doctors tried to revive him back. He was lifeless - in a coma. My wife couldn't give up...the doctors talked to us...we just continued for 9 months and then he came home...but completely bed ridden and with a fully damaged brain. He cannot walk, get up on his own, clean, shower, eat, pee or do anything on his own now."

As tears flowed now, he continued. I asked him questions to draw out his pain - to show him I care and that I am listening and taking interest. I think asking him appropriate questions at the right times during our conversation really helped him navigate through this reliving of the unfortunate moment of his life. He opened up more and more...and started crying...A man of about 65 yrs of age, crying in front of a girl, and unable to contain his tears while narrating his pain in the darkness...40,000 ft above.

"You know..since then..I am at home and I take care of him. My wife works for the post office and that is how we have money. Ya, we have our house, food and cars and we are OK, but a lot of money has gone in his hospital bills. I cook, clean and I also wash him daily. He is completely bed ridden so to get him up to sit, we have a chair and while I cook in the kitchen, he sits in his chair but he can't eat on his own and he can't talk anymore..."

Then I asked him, "You know very well he is not going to get better. I am sure you know this...so have you thought how long this will go on and what is the point of all this? How is his life changing and do you think he is enjoying this life where you have to clean him and change his clothes...even though he is 24 yrs old..Do you think he doesn't know or that he is not aware? He still has his awareness - just not the way we all see it and we all communicate...you know."

He replied - "Yes I know that this will never change. It has made our life very hard. My wife and I can never go out anymore together. One person has to stay at home with him at all times. In fact, even now that I am going to India, it is for a wedding from my wife's side and that is why I am travelling with my sister-in-law and my other son...but my wife chose to stay. Even if we meet friends, they come over..we don't go out anywhere. Not even for dinner...ever. Most of our friends went away overtime after we couldn't go out and meet them...now we hardly have any friends."

"You know...many people have said the same thing that you said and some tried to talk to my wife also...but she refused. When she comes home from work, she wants to see him. That is her baby. But mentally, she is also very tired. It is for her that I have kept on doing for so many years and I will continue doing it till she wants me to - I will be brave and I will do all the work for our son. What other choice do I have? She doesn't want to give up...this is my life now.."

As he cried more and wiped his tears in between, he continued - "You know..actually...I never talk to anyone about this...but I don't know...for some reason...I saw you and felt like sharing it with you very openly....I couldn't stop..I hope you don't mind.."

I said, "No..no. Why will I mind?! I am thankful that you shared so much with me and oh wow! What a great human being you are! You are such a brave man - really! I do not know how you go on and how you get the strength to continue doing this day after day...year after year...It must be hard to see your eldest son in bed, and knowing very well that he is like a child...he can't do anything on his own and you even have to clean him and change him....You are so brave! Thank you for sharing with me.."

Then the man felt slightly lifted - there was a spark in his eyes - "You know...even after so many years, doctors are amazed that my son has no diaper rash..that he looks so clean and is so well taken care of! There is not a single red spot on his body...or his privates. This is how well I take care of him daily.."

I said, "WOW!! That is amazing!! My God! How do you do all this? Seems like you have learnt everything very well! You are simply an amazing man!"

Then I asked him about his younger son - who was with us in the plane but on another seat (aisle seat on his left). The man looked at me and came even closer, as if he wanted to whisper something..

"You know...this one...he is autistic. He is very dependent on us for everything too. We had hopes from our older one - that he will be successful and will take care of us and one day earn good money and get married..."

Gosh! My heart sank. That made sense -  I thought. I remembered observing how during dinner time, the son had come (about 20 yrs old, tall kid) and tapped on his father's hand to ask him where to keep the dinner tray so he could go to the restroom. The father, this man..had scolded him and said to keep the tray on the floor if he wanted to get up and go...

I asked him what led to all this - the elder son wanting to commit suicide and if he and his wife had any clues before the incident happened. He replied - "Actually you know what...he was always happy and loud and hugging me and his mom...and saying that his grades are good and all that. He had friends too.  But I sometimes had this feeling that he is lieing to us about his grades - that he changes the report card and right before his graduation, he did this suicide but unfortunately, it didn't work and left him like this..."

I tried to explain him that sexual abuse among young men is very common. It can happen anywhere and that can (and mostly does) drive young men to commit suicide. "Do you think that might be...?!" I asked.

He replied - "Oh I did not know but it could be...because all of a sudden this happened...we didn't expect it..We were just shocked and left without any answers. He didn't write any note."

After that, we talked about how he cooks elaborate Indian cuisine daily and how he had learned it over the years. I told him about my TGR and that is how he got excited and shared his culinary expertise. I praised him for his talent and we talked about spices and different curries - he felt so much better by the end of it all. He started smiling again and talking back in his loud voice. 

Then, as we all reached our destination and lights came back on again, he again said, "You know I never share with anyone....but somehow I don't know why...but I felt like sharing with you."

As we all got up and wished each other the best of the journey and started pulling our bags, I was lost in thoughts but in between I would look at him and he also looked at me many times. As our eyes exchanged words, he knew very well that I had understood him and his loneliness.

I knew from his gaze that he knew I had heard him and had understood the cage his life had become. While pulling my bags and getting ready to walk out, as I looked at him, he had that look on his face...

The look of embarrassment...that his life was such a prison. A misery. A cage he could not escape - till time passes, decades go by and life is almost over.

He had that look of a man with a very heavy heart - that he was aware how in those short moments, he had cried many tears with a perfect stranger and shared so much that even he didn't realize how much he had talked...

He had that look of humility...knowing that destiny had engulfed him completely and that despite being a great father, his muscles were weary and his strength was breaking down. 

End Note: This is the story that shocked me. I have heard many stories in my life and having lived a very tough life myself, I am no stranger to pain and shock. But this story - it stayed with me for some reason for months and months before I could make peace with it and digest it completely. 

This man was in my thoughts while I went to my cousin's wedding and enjoyed the rest of my trip. I struggled deep inside to digest the sadness and the shock of this story. I didn't share it with anyone - due to the heaviness of the story, except with one of my cousins. Until now...just sharing with you.

This is not an article about suicide. This is about those who are stuck in a prison - a cage, made by the hands of destiny, even though they never asked for it. This is for those who have been dealt a very tumultuous blow by life itself and know very well that they can't escape it no matter what they try. They may break down, they may yell and scream and hit the walls - in the silence and emptyness of their lives, but they again get up, put themselves together and rise up to meet their responsibilities. 

Dreams shattered, roses broken - all in the narrow lanes of Life. What he thought will happen in the future - will never be, but what makes this story even more remarkable is not just the loss of old dreams, but the entanglement of the cage, until forever Life dies. 

Cultivate gratitude in your daily life for whatever you have and anytime you have doubts about your life, remember this story of an exceptional man with unwavering bravery and strength. I still remember his face - with tears swelling and looking into my eyes in the dark. I think about him often - for he taught me what we all are capable of in times of hardships and that we can all pull the untapped resilience that resides in all of us. 

-Somyata.

"You were unsure which pain is worse - the shock of what happened or the ache of what never will." - Simon Van Booy
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Photo Credit - HERE